I am not even sure if I have the proper words to convey my feeling on the verdict. I not sure I would even want to speak them if I did. There is so much hurt, sadness, anger, disappointment, disgusted, and utter hopelessness. My spirit was broken, my soul was wounded, and I was ANGRY. At the same time eyes were opened to some things and things I already knew were reinforced in the most heartbreaking way possible. I unfriended some of the people I once considered friends and even allies because there are some things that can not unsaid, and there are some difference of opinions that go beyond lets agree to disagree and your mere existence has no value.
For all of my internet friends I offer this PSA for dealing with me this week (maybe even for the rest of this year):
- Telling me justice was served and I have to deal with it is most possible the single quickest way to get a Kill Bill style foot to the chest
- You can not police my feeling, emotions, and experiences just because they make you uncomfortable
- You can’t tell me to get over my history because it’s an ugly reflections of the past that is still relevant to this day, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT HANDLE IT. If you’re allowed to expound on your proud ancestral legacy that opens door for you I am allowed to expound on the same one that closes doors to me.
- I AM NOT HERE for your false equivalency about black on black violence
- I AM NOT HERE FOR OR WILL N-E-V-E-R BE HERE FOR blaming a 17 year old unarmed boy for his own death
- Everything is not racist but A HELL of a lot of things are!
There are so many other feeling and thoughts that I can’t fully articulate now, but I know the words will come. Until then, I will still end conversations with my brother with “I love you and be please be safe”, I will still continue to encourage the teens I mentor to be agents for change because i still believe THEY CAN CHANGE THIS WORLD, and will continue to fight for our young people because giving up is not an option.